My daughter is an addict and it has been hell for many Mother’s Days. I want to share my experience with my addiction to my daughter, and her addiction to drugs and alcohol.
Loving her and wanting to give my life for her, to take her pain, and end mine.
Denial, Hope Springs Eternal, upsurge my love and enabling her addiction, try one more method, read one more article, one more counselor.
I know I can finally SAY ONE MORE EXAMPLE OR WORDS OF ADVICE THAT WILL MAKE THE DIFFERENCE, take her eyes and see the light!
I knew I could do it for her. Denial seeps back into my corroded mind to save MY sanity. Yes, I had to convince her to change friends, go to college, find a passion.
I didn’t realize she had a passion; drugs.
I could not give up on her, instead, I gave up on myself. Good mothers continue to give away themselves to save their precious child. But, said child does not have her mother’s goal or needs.
Mother continues to fall prey to unrelenting conniving and manipulation from
her. Money, threats, kindness, love, promises, surveillance, rehabs and more words.
I became gutted and empty. I had to stop my selflessness to save her for me and save myself.
I had to really love her and LET GO. That is when I realized how much intervention I needed. Addiction is a family disease. REPEAT: Addiction is a family disease.
With the help of God and so many people my daughter made the choice to begin recovery at Genesis House. I had nothing to do with her decision. My amazing daughter has been in recovery for over 10 years and works arduously to maintain it.
I thought my part was complete even though she always said to me “Mom, think about doing the 12 steps in al-anon or nar-anon.” I did not need them, only addicts do.
Oh, the ego. Just recently, I went to a Nar-anon meeting to support a friend whose has been struggling with her daughter’s addiction. I thought I never needed such a group. LOL. My first daily reading in the SESH Book spoke of a parent who was still suffering for 35 years after his daughter had stopped using. He was still suffering because he had never gone to a Twelve Step Program.
Eureka! God has a sense of humor and now I celebrate this Mother’s Day rejoicing that I have found myself on the path of recovery and beginning the Twelve Steps.
My Mother’s Day gift from my daughter, when I revealed my enlightenment of needing the Twelve Steps, was “well Mom, that is refreshing. I have been thinking that for years.
To all Mothers of Addicts, there is always a way to find yourself. My prayers are with you.
-Gene D.
Mother of a 2008 alumnae Skyler N.